codependency

The Pursuit of Balance

~ ghostfaceknitter ~ Leave a comment

The past 6 months of my life have been a whirlwind. I have moved back to Colorado, found an awesome job (with no time off at all), accepted the bad news about Vladimir being close to the end, moved into our new apartment, hustled hard enough to get a team lead position at work, and just finally now in August feel somewhat settled in a ‘routine.’

With settling in, I can finally take a deep breath and realize that I’m completely unbalanced in some aspects of my life right now. Perhaps, it has been this way for some time, but now that the excitement and stimulation is dwindling, I have the time to observe and reflect that I don’t really feel like I’m living my best effective life. I’m not unhappy by any means, I am very privileged to have this life and been having a great time. I’ve made a lot of changes and progressed so much, I’m very proud of myself. But, what I am saying is that I haven’t knit, crocheted, or crafted regularly for 8 months now. My diet and exercise habits have been out of whack – too much working out is not beneficial for my body (and I would argue most everyone’s also). And I feel like I have pushed energy and attention into people and things that well, quite frankly, don’t even care that I engage with them.

It’s time for a reset. What does this mean? Well I’m taking it back to the fundamentals. I’m kicking off a 90 day health and fitness challenge on Monday. I’m getting back on my bike for short fun rides. I’m starting to sew, knit, crochet, and craft just for myself. No more custom orders this season. I’m making time for the people that I love, the folks I moved back to Colorado for and the people I love that live elsewhere that deserve my energy. I’m reflecting on the things I could improve upon, like my codependency and my tolerance for people who make me feel uncomfortable. It is the season for improvement.

This late summer and fall is the perfect time for a transition inward. By focusing on myself and balancing my life I will be more effective as a friend, family member, and partner. It is time to radiate from within.

I’m on the pursuit of balance.

No More Flying Solo

~ ghostfaceknitter ~ Leave a comment

  

Here’s my personal feelings blog about my move. I am so happy to be in Colorado I’m so happy to have a wonderful job that I absolutely already just love so much and I’m so thankful to be here with the dude and my family. All that being said I don’t know what to do about not being alone anymore. The hardest challenge for me is not having 85% of my time alone right now. At work in Chicago even there wasn’t that much social interaction and that was the only social interaction that I was having. Occasionally I would meet up with my good friends and we would go to dinner but we all have busy lives and even though I had all that alone time I was busy with crafting or lifting. Now being in Colorado I feel like it’s a Catch-22 because I have all the people that I always wanted to be around when I was in Chicago, but now it is not instinctive to hang out with people. I do everything alone even though I’m living back here because it’s like my mind hasn’t adjusted. Also I now work at a place where I have meetings for almost half my day and then am able to complete things with a lot of peoples collaboration and input and guidance and constantly touching base with people. I hope that I’m able to find that balance of feeling like I’m giving enough to my friends and giving enough to myself and being in a healthy relationship with the dude and currently living at my moms. There’s a lot of adjustment in my life and I feel good. But I know that I need to realize that I’m not alone anymore I don’t have to do everything by myself anymore.I guess it sounds like a silly problems to complain about but I definitely am trying to overcome this transition from being basically secluded in a giant city to being surrounded by all the people that I constantly talked to you in my alone time. Anyways my codependency has made me feel obligated to write this post because I feel like I am leaving a lot of people out of my life and it’s not on purpose I just don’t know how to manage my time yet. I guess if you’re a friend and you’re really want to make plans with me in advance (like a week in advance) that’s best, then I can better handle and fit things into my life. I don’t know how to do spur of the moment hang outs anymore and I don’t know how to on a whim call somebody up and go do something because for the past 2 1/2 years I have had no one to do these things with aside from the dude and we had totally opposite schedules in Chicago because of our work. So moral of the story,bbottom line blah blah – I’m sorry that I am not reaching out to more people and making more things happen right now socially, but with your help hopefully I will figure out this balance of actually having my friends and family in the same city.